+-

love is for chumps

/

desolation yes, hesitation no



i am numb.

and this song just rocks my world right now haha♥

i forgot how much i like Rilo Kiley.
i also started listening to Lush, early 90s shoegaze
and The Primitives, mid 80s
girl band.. and i'm digging it.
the videos are a scream..hahah

it's a good feeling discovering and rediscovering old music

just like honey

i will continue to bite my bloody tongue for now


& i don't want to date again till im 30.
truth is.. i HATE it.


meh.

a punch to the stomach.

i'm trying so hard to keep my cool.. i feel like throwing up.

optimistic

so..i've been thinking ALOT about the future lately... and my life's gonna be awesome!!! i really don't mind sitting my ass down and drawing allday. :)

all the while getting paid for it.

hopefully everything goes according to plan.



i also must get a job sooon! Radiohead is coming out
with a new album by the end of the year
and there's no doubt that they
will be touring, i refuse to miss out this time !
and i want damn good seats.

i've developed this "fuck it, you only live once" attitude.
idk if thats a good or bad thing.




idk who i am anymore.

i feel like i'm dying on the inside,
i knew i said i wouldn't and i am probably
being a drama queen
but sometimes you just can't help being human.
at least not in this case.

..i finally got around to painting the shirt. it looks like swap meet quality..and that's not a good thing. i had so much trouble with something so simple.. its what happens i guess.



ugh. here we go again.


i might just ditch painting class tomorrow.. my charles bukowski looks like benecio del toro! hahah. whats wrong with me..

so yesterday was a disaster.. apart from really getting lost.. the 2 hr
long line in the sun to get in was the cherry on top.
but fuck it!! you only live once!
luckily we brought jimmy along, he wasn't complaining, he
kept me from going insane, and made us laugh :) i love him for that.
We had a great time in the end, sweat, dirt, hunger, thirst, blisters and all.
just wish i would've been under the influence of something
really fucking good, and not taken it out on cigarettes.
that's last time i ever go to a music festival sober.
i was a chimney.


i can't stop listening to this song,

MEANS NOTHING. zip. NADA.





:]

indifference is something
extremely hard to
accomplish,


maaaaad props to the people that could.

,,

im just going with the flow.
my neighbor still doesn't know about the car,
i hate having a guilty conscience.
oil painting is fun and i think im liking it more than acrylic...
i got to see wavves C:

sometimes i wish it was for real.

mmm.

cerritos college is bs :'(
my bday party
was phuuun.
i got a few reallly neat gifts...he's thoughtful..
♥
19 is an odd age.. not numerically speaking

tigers jaw makes me wanna slit my wrists

been in a pixies mood

And this I know
His teeth as white as snow
What a gas it was to see him
Walk her every day
Into a shady place
With her lips she said
She said

Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball
Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball
Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love

Lovely legs there are
What a big black mass
With a hunk of love
Walk her every day into a shady place
He's like the dark, but I'd want him

Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball
Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball
Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, let's have a ball

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love
Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love
Our big big love



i think my butt got bigger;)
and im gonna do filter club nites more often, those are fun
too bad i'm not 21 yet :/ hmm soon enough..
black&milds hurt my throat

startn' over

i can't sleep, the iced coffee is keeping me up.
they;re right..i am ADDICTED.
im going to go run @6am tom..fml.
no more soda for me, need to take care of braces
i am so proud of andrea, she graduates today!
who is that in the other room?
no longer am i afraid
LA t th now. i'll manage
need$$
megustastu.


shower at 2am..sounds like me

yup

so it's been a while since i've posted anything... i wonder if anyone even reads this.. Its summer vacation for me but it doesn't quite feel like it yet. I passed all my classes by a landslide, just barely :p. i want to get the fuck out of cerritos college already and go to art school. A lot has happened in my personal life these past 2 months. For one, i am finally over Mr. F and alex(not that i liked him that much) i realize that they are both not my type..our personalities clash. I'm kinda sorta going out with someone else now.. and idk if it's right yet (for many reasons) but he's cool :) and he's really got me at the moment. He gave me his old Joy Division shirt and his flannel and idk what that means..but it was the sweetest thing♥. i diiig him, alot. he's also into wes andersen movies .. anywhoo.... i really want to go outside lands music festival in august but im still unemployed and i might be in manza during that time..which really blows because the strokes are gonna play!!!!! and social distortion. fuck. oh well.. Alot of the old interns at filter are leaving, idk what's gonna happen. idk half the stuff they do, i only go once a week because i live far and i haven't been there that long. I need to get on it.. this summer me and gab are gonna start doing wheatpastes and spray stencils.. low key though.. im excited, norwalk ain't ready for us.. i feel that this way i can live up to my artistic potential. I have a lot of projects lined up that i need to finish before i get rebellious... i'm feeling inspired right now.
i hope it keeps up.

record store day

yesterday was record store day at amoeba. the first 250 people to preorder the new smashing pumpkins cd boxed set would get to see them that same day at 4 pm. Myself, Gaby and Andrea were amongst them. we got there at 5 am and waited 5 hours go in and it went by fast. We had time to kill before the show because we couldn't go home and come back.. it would have gotten late..we ate because we were starving, then went to borders but ended up at space 1520 in the line to get into the show(it was starting to get long). we sat down for another 5 hours haha. we made friends with the people waiting next to us in line(really nice, down to earth people). we all kind of came together in a circle because we were trying to get shade( the sun was starting to really burn). one of the guys was there with his best friend from middle school, they were hilarious. and the girl had just moved here from new york, she came to the show by herself because she didn't know anyone in the area(other than her roomate). i really admire her ability to just get up and leave her life there and start over again, and she didn't seem to regret it. that is something i have always dreamed of doing but haven't quite built up the courage to do so yet(or acquired enough funds). i will one day. she gave us her facebook and we plan on meeting up with her when we visit hollywood again soon. i can already tell we will all get along swell, she seems like a good person. They finally let us in at 3:30, as promised. this new artist corina round was the opening act. i liked her she had a nice voice. after her the smashing pumpkins came on(which is really only billy corgan now). The new drummer was really good and young too(19) and jeff schroeder, still going strong. I hadn't heard their new music yet but they had a really good set, i am gald he played some of the oldies. I don't believe i've ever heard a pumpkins song that i didn't like. it was an amazing show only 250 fans in attendance, it was initmate. i wouldn't trade this experience for coachella. i had an amazing saturday. my life is going good right now..im content

i hope next years linep for coachella is at least decent,
and hopefully lady gaga isn't on there.

exit through the gift shop

last night was truly special... that documentary was so worth it (even though the tickets were free). it's like it was meant to be! i just happened to be on facebook at the right time yesterday morning, saw wooster's post, and won... the premier was at the Los Angeles Theater, it was beautiful inside, it looked like it was someplace out of the 1940s.. but it reeked of mold and dusty cigarettes. i think my sister and i were the only people there really honestly excited. i sure was.. almost everyone there was foreign(european and snobby).. they had accents. alot of goodlooking older people(rich bitches), the ushers had tuxedos on with black masks over their heads. i felt a but underdressed but really, i didn't care about the afteraparty, its not like i could have got a drink anyway, i was just there for the movie. we didn't stay too long after...as we were on out way out, my sister noticed Danny Masterson, hyde from that 70s show. my sister asked to take a picture with him and he was real cool about it, down to earth guy :) i was disappointed that blek le rat didn't make an appearance last night.. i was looking forward to finally being able to meet him in person ( i freakin' did almost my whole senior project on him). i will one day, hopefully. ...i still have our email conversation saved !!.. hehe i keep forgetting to frame it..

i didn't see banksy either.. well nobody did :p hahaha but i am almost positive that he was the guy playing the piano with the mask on..

regret

dun dun dun ... this week is crazy..
i'm stressed :(



and i think i really need to get
on the ball and get a
another J - O - B soon.




yikessss !!

spring break

my family from manzanillo came for a visit last week. thurs morning i went to breakfast with my little cousin(9yr old) cause he went with me to change my tire, i took him to panera.. he liked it, he is hilarious, i had a good conversation with him about music he likes caifanes and metallica i think it runs in the family. on friday night me and jeovanna busted a mission to clockwork orange on hollywood bvld. the music was kinda cool, and we even got a free drink out of it. i think my coke i bought before that was spiked with vodka(they didnt even cardme) we met some guys one was from the valley(argent) and one from anaheim(mexi) they were cool, at the end they exchanged #s with us but the guy i danced with wasn't really my cup of tea, so ehh. we got home at 3am, i was falling asleep on the drive back(yikes)..the next day we woke up with hangovers which was odd considering we only had 2 drinks each and shared one... had a small kicback with a few friends and my cousin rafa n vanna sat night when i got back from l.a.(we went again with my sis friends) it was nice. sunday me, vanna, gab got up late and i made some boooomb omelettes..my other cousin left early to universal studios with the rest of the manzanillans...later on andrea came over and we took off to the beach, we got ice cream at rite-aid and sat on the beach...we got home and i made lasagna, salad, gbread..cesar nicole jim came over and we watched food network n ate. on mon i took my cousins and my sister to the la zoo (me n ed had to do a zoo paper). it was frusturating trying to find all the damn monkeys we had to take 5-10 pgs of notes on so we left kinda early with intentions of never stepping foot back at the zoo ever again. we stopped at the glendale galeria to eat ans walked over to the 3-floor barnes and nobles at the americana(i was amazed) and then called it a day. the traffic was rediculous on the way home. My mom and I met up with my dad at the airport(fam leaving) tues mornin, then we went to breakfast@Norms. it was a nice start to my spring break. and apparently, i am visiting manzanillo for two weeks this summer, and i am kind of looking forward to it :)


i am going through a smashing pumpkins phase..
"mayonaise" "perfect"
beautiful songs..
i looove all the others too but
these are my fav atm

chchchchchchchcherry bomb

at 6 am this morning on my way to class and to drop gaby at andreas..i got a flat tire ! i didn't knw what to do or who to call. my parents are gone. me n gaby walked all the way home cause our only option was to go n get my moms car and figure it out from there. i was pissed but i got a good laught out of it. i miseed anthro. we went to starbucks thn i dorpd gaaby at school. later on edgar came to the rescue and helped me change my tire it was a learning exp. just in time tooo. it was streeet sweeper day there in that part of town. late to journalism..

yesterday i smoked the left over g.w.kush i bought off david that i've had for months....i took greens and andrea was right// that thing is laced. i wasfreaking out.. but i didn't let it show. i felt my throat heavy like if it was swelling and it hurt. i also got reallly bad chest pain, at first i thought it was because i coughed but it was only for a little bit..my lungs felt as if they were bruised and bleeding. i sat dwn and my body felt really heavy. i felt dehydrated i must have drank like 6 glasses of water/ i was still thirsty. i had never exp that before... andnow i don't think i want to smoke weed for long time .. gaby also exp the same thing but not as bad. it eventually wore off about an hour and 1/2 later then we got hungry and went to stater bros to get groceries/

i spent $35 on making dinner ..which is actually not bad for 3. gaby and andrea helped me prepare it. we cooked some tbone steaks and yellow/greensquash n mushrooms grilled with olive oil salt n lemon pepper, it was good. we also made some caesar salad with the works :) and we ate in my backyard.

today i made soup for lunch. it was simple and tasty/ spinach, bowtie pasta, sliced mushrooms, chikn all in chin broth n secret spices topped with parm. mmm

raymond took me to watch the runaways. good movie, good acting
i enjoyed it/ it exceeded my expectations

and al x o ram.....that guy just totally left me hangn' ..



j e r k.

whtutalknboutwillllis

can't wait for saturday, :)
parents are leaving for like a
week!!!! which means i can
stay out allll night and no
work the next day!!(unemployed)..and me n andrea
and idk who else..wanna go to club bang

and if that fails we going
to the ska show


i am stoked.

jst gimmie a sign

i finally quit my lame job at stater bros.
i just could not put up with the BS
there any longer. My interview at knott's
for Kaman's Art Shoppes went swell.

i took the metro to l.a. saturday. it was just me, cesar, jimmy and edgar this time.it was fun i guess , we went to roscoe's and ate but missed the anti-war protest :pso we went to amoeba..i knew it would be over by the time we got there i kind of really wanted to go. i bought lost in translation and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. After that i picked up andrea and gaby and we met up the rest of the gang at some hardcore show by my house, just as expected...everyone and their mammas was there. ahaha it was cool though we got to see anthony light his cymbals on fire. it was pretty insane/ after they played we said our goodbyes and then headed to my house. cesar brought zombie and we all watched in my living room, i called it a night early cause i had to get up early this morning for my last day at work.

today went by a bit fast, i guess it was cause i was in a good mood.
i was talkative and friendly. i think i will miss stater bros.. all the
random andnice people i've met and workdn shared jokes with.
i'll miss seeing the regulars in the mornings and drunk people
when i would work closing hours..
the smelly man, the feisty old woman,
the annoying girl scouts, the obnoxious asb kids
with their bake sales, panhandlers,
the homeless bipolar asain...the cute portugeuse guy
with the soccer jerseys andhis dad...
in a weird way they kind of all felt like family.
but it had to end somehwere, i wasn't planning on
making a career out of it or even having to push
carts for another summmer no thanks/ i think i'll still visit...

soy como una roca

palabras no me tocan


i don't give a fuck about anyone or anything today.
i have to focus..








p.s. fuck you

love. atm

panera

Cesar and I skipped class today and went to Panera with Edgar and vanessa walta. i got the usual broccoli cheese soup and a caesar salad, it was nice.

not much happened today..just got a haircut

mmmhm.

i got hooked up today at filter :)
the drive to la was mostdef worth it
good day..

now let's see about tommm..

ahhhh

i want to get drunk and 6 am anthro can suck my dick.